Together another day

Yesterday was my 24th wedding anniversary. We spent it together doing things we love: walking, talking, eating, reading, dancing, and watching movies. It was a perfect day.

People often ask how long we’ve been married; they expect us to say 1, 2 or 5 years, but no more. We look like ‘lovers’ rather than husband and wife because we hold hands, kiss in public, hug a lot, and smile at each other often. And other than the two years when we were extremely unhappy with each other, we have always been demonstrative in our affection. Our children used to try to pull us apart when they were little…it became a game of sorts and it was certainly fun for all of us. Now they just smile and walk away. It’s kinda nice.

But we’ve seen some pretty hard times. One day a few years back the unthinkable happened and we thought it was over. It was heartbreaking – I certainly thought we would not make it – I now know he thought the same.

The funny thing was, after the initial shock, we each embarked on a personal quest to fix ourselves, not each other, and I believe that was the key that eventually sustained our love and devotion to each other. Yeah, the kids had something to do, initially with not getting divorced…we certainly didn’t want to disrupt their lives. But not wanting to ruin their lives would not have been enough to make our relationship last if we hadn’t been a little introspective and willing to own our own piece of the problem.

We weren’t afraid of counseling either. We knew we needed help.

This is not meant to be depressing so don’t despair, but it would have been very easy to blame each other and move on. I had more than a few people tell me that he was a schmuck and I needed to get away from him. And HE had quite a few tell him the same thing. We could have had an out so easily, but in our heart of hearts we did not want to give up on all the years we put into our family and our relationship.

I am here to tell you it was definitely worth the pain, and the tears, and the sleepless nights, and the dark circles, and the endless discussions, and the whispered comments, and the sessions with professionals, and the slow road back to each other.

We are more in love now than ever before and we were crazy about each other when we first met…we know what so many long-term married couples know: It IS worth it to stay together no matter what. It IS worth it to work at your relationship instead of abandon it. And it IS imperative that you look within yourself for the key when there is a problem – especially when the other person is doing something very wrong (as viewed by everyone); because THAT is the most important time to look deeply within yourself for the real origin of the problem. Don’t get it? Send me a note, we’ll talk.

Without that understanding a marriage doesn’t stand a chance in hell.

So, as we sit today, the day after our anniversary, side by side, on our  own laptops typing away, I am richer beyond my dreams and happier than you could ever imagine, truly.

Marriage is definitely worth its salt.

How long have you been married?


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