it’s too bad

My mother used to say ‘it’s too bad…” to me whenever she thought I had lost an opportunity of some kind. I still get frustrated with my mom because it’s always something that already happened and the outcome cannot be changed. After all, I always reason with her, what is the point of crying about something too late to change?

But today I found myself thinking those terrible sentiments (…it’s too bad…) when a long lost child appeared at my doorstep.

Imagine my surprise when my nephew unexpectedly stopped by after more than two years of not seeing or hearing from him. He lived with us for over 5 years during his tween/teen years. His departure was not pleasant and I’m not exactly proud of all the circumstances that caused his departure.

So today was bittersweet – it was such a joy to see him; all grown up and mature at 19 and a half, in the navy and polite beyond belief with a slight southern drawl. Yet, as he explained his reasoning for joining the navy (no money for college so this was his best plan to get college educated) and that he is fine but doesn’t exactly love it, my heart sank and my homunculus jumped on my shoulder and hammered me with loads of woulda, shoulda, coulda crap.

After he left I was so tempted to say, yup, you guessed it, ‘it’s too bad…’ because of the opportunity lost due to my hastiness years ago as I was desperately trying keep all the pieces of our fragmented family from completely falling apart and simultaneously attempting to keep my career afloat. It was a terribly difficult time and there were no easy solutions. It was my decision alone; my husband would not make the call even though it was written all over his face – after all, it was my nephew not his. It was a horribly painful time but it was my call alone and that is when I broke down and invited DCF to place him somewhere else.

Today my brain was saying things like…But we could have sent him to college…and we could have supported him…and I should have been stronger and hung on longer…and…

But anyone that knew our family then knows that it was the best solution at the time for all of us, including my beautiful, bright nephew, given all the circumstances.

So instead of saying ‘it’s too bad…’ I will remember my little saying:

Every single experience we  have experienced before today prepared us for today – including my beautiful nephew, who is turning into an amazing adult because of every single experience he has experienced up to this day.

So, ‘it’s too bad’ can just go suck a lemon.

60,000 Thoughts a day

That’s right, our brains process 60,000 thoughts each day. I don’t know about you but 60k thoughts is a lot of thoughts. No wonder we have full-scale conversations with ourselves and don’t even realize it.

Now, if you’re wondering how we keep track of all those thoughts or how we could possibly carry out a conversation with anyone else with all those voices going on, here is the answer: Feelings.

Our emotions are the barometer of our thoughts. They are what help us understand all the conversations. They filter and categorize like an internal filing system (our own personal secretary in you will).

The good news is that the filing system allows us to successfully manage all the neurons firing in our brain each day.

The bad news is that our emotions often hijack the 60k thoughts and decide for us which thoughts are real and true and which are not reliable. And as you may have guessed, our emotions can sometimes be like the little homunculus we learned about in early biological theory. For those not familiar, it was thought that a fully formed human being existed inside us and there were many a cartoon that depicted the homunculus sitting on our shoulder arguing back and forth  — you know, all the ‘voices’ in our heads, dictating and judging what to do/not do.

So how do you know if you are being hijacked by an emotional homunculus or not? It’s not that difficult but you have to really listen to your emotions and many of us have lost track of how to do that.

We all have emotional barometers so if you follow a couple easy steps you will be able to train that little internal secretary to file your thoughts more accurately. Here’s how:

1). When something feels right and true and good (no matter how fleeting), make a strong mental note of it – indeed file that thought.

2). When something feels bad and your “innerds” start jumping around in your belly, stop and get conscious of what the thought is – don’t push it away, instead let it wash over you and connect it with what the thought was that created it-and yup, file it.

3). Make yourself see every emotion that occurs and trace it to the original thought that created it. Then you can clearly assess the emotion as a backdrop of the original thought that provoked it. This is also called meta-consciousness and it will help you understand your ‘self’ more.

4). Stay clear of should/must and always/never in your internal dialogue as they are a clear indication that you are being hijacked. Also, if the hair on the back of your neck goes up and you try to ignore it, that’s a sure fire way to know that you are not listening to your true feelings about a thought. Feelings are not all bad and they do try to help us-we just need to help them stay honest.

This may sound complicated and at first you may not enjoy the process, but I can assure you that, with just a little practice, this little exercise can turn your life around, no kidding.

I invite you to try it. Make a game out of it. Those 60,000 thoughts a day deserve it. You are a brilliant mind, body, and spirit. Don’t let the homunculus make you believe bad thoughts about yourself or not believe the good things about you..

The world needs you and if you don’t show up, the world will miss out on an amazing person in this 21st century existence. Your 60,000 thoughts each day deserve to see the light of day — and so many people are waiting for your precious, unique, and amazing gifts. Let’s not let them down – deal?

Ode to the Alligator Pear

Did you know that the Alligator Pear (oh, alright, the Avocado) is a FRUIT? Boy am I dumb. I always thought of it as, oh wait, I never really thought about it!  Avocados have always been one of those greeeen foods that was never seen at the table when I was a child. In fact I had never even heard about it until I moved to New York in my early 20’s and, it was not love at first sight. I remember being “introduced” at a lunch one day as I was preparing to discuss my next promotion with my boss; that greenish thing was displayed on my salad…all bold and greeen, sitting proudly on top. What the heck? I remember not knowing what it was and really not wanting to find out either. And my first taste didn’t sell me on it. I ate it quickly then shoveled in bits of the more familiar iceberg lettuce to try to forget I had eaten a foreign, mushy food.

It was years before I revisited that fruit (whodathunk?) and honestly it was even a long time before I realized what I had eaten that day in the restaurant with my boss was an alligator pear (it sounds so much more exotic than avocado don’t you think?). And before I forget, it is also called a Butter Fruit, but I prefer Alligator Pear!

I had no idea it was so darn good for you either. Did you know that it aids digestion and is very good for your skin care, heals psoriasis, atherosclerosis, and reduces bad breath? It’s a great baby food too.

The Avocado has a high fat content (about 23%) as well as a high calorie  count (approx. 220), which is why many diets don’t sport them in their lists of ingredients to buy. But that is a mistake because this fruit is extremely low in cholesterol, especially when compared to say, butter (!) and soooo much better for you. Avocado contains dietary fibers and is rich in minerals such as copper, magnesium, manganese,  and also contains iron, calcium, iodine, selenium, zinc and phosphorus.

The Alligator Pear is also well known for its high content of both vitamin K and A as well as Vitamin B, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Niacin, Vitamin B6, Biotin, and Folate.

Avocado is most beneficial when eaten raw. The health benefits of avocado include:

• Digestion: Avocado is soothing for the intestine and aids in digestion.
• Dental Care: Since avocado cleans the intestine, bad breath, which is primarily caused due to indigestion, is removed.
• Atherosclerosis: Since avocado helps in reducing cholesterol levels, it is useful in treating atherosclerosis. It also helps in preventing strokes.
• Skin Care: Avocado oil is added in a variety of cosmetics due to its ability to nourish the skin with essential vitamins and make it glow. It also helps in treating psoriasis.
• Weight: Avocado is one of the few fruits that have more than 200 calories per 100g. Normally fruits have about 60-80 calories per 100g. Avocado, due to its high calorie content, is good for those who want to increase their weight but don’t shy away from it if you are trying to lose weight, just don’t eat more than one a day. These babies will help curb your appetite too; other (less nutritional) fatty foods such as chips, heavy gravies, and high fat and calorie salad dressings won’t have the same pull.

Now when I go to a restaurant and there isn’t any green Alligator Pear  proudly perched on the top of my salad I am disappointed. If you haven’t been introduced or reintroduced to it since your teens, give them another try. Spread some on your bread instead of mayo or include them in your salad or make a cool sauce for your pasta (I’ve included a recipe below).

Have fun with them, get creative in how you sneak them into your diet. And please don’t be afraid of the calories. It’s a fact that we shy away from healthy foods because they contain too many calories or fat or both…but then we gorge on chips, candy, chocolate, and ice cream …yeah, me too. So eat your Alligator Pear will ya?! Start HERE:

Simple Avocado Pasta Sauce

Ingredients (Makes about one cup and goes along way! )

• 1 ripe medium-sized avocado
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1, 2 or 3 garlic cloves (your taste)
• 1 tsp lemon )or juice 1/2 lemon squeezed)
• 1/4 cup fresh basil – or to taste
• cracked black pepper to taste
• fresh parmesan cheese

Directions

1. In a food proccessor, blend all ingredients except for black pepper until mixture is smooth.
2. Spoon over pasta- a little goes a long way. I usually put about 2 tbsp over 1 lb of tortellini. Add it to the pasta while pasta is hot and over low heat so dish will be served hot but the sauce will not be burned.
3. Top with plenty of fresh cracked black pepper and grated parmesan cheese.

After you’ve tried an avocado plain (or in this recipe) drop me a comment to let me know if you liked it or not. And if you changed the recipe for the better, send that to me too. Happy eating this new fruit!

oh, it’s too late for me

I’m too old. It’s too late for me to learn all these complicated things, who am I trying to fool? It’s just too late for me to blah, blah…I hear this in my head all the time. Then another voice enters the conversation: NO you are right on time it says right back. And so, the fight among all the people in my head begins again.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you believe you are making a “realization” when you proclaim to yourself that you CAN or CANNOT accomplish something and then that thought cements itself fully into your mind? And when it does – boy is it ever difficult to change that view of the world and ourselves within it.

Well I’m here to say that it’s all poppycock. I’ve seen people of both genders break through “personal ceilings” at all ages and with all manner of “handicap” – You have the internet, you’ve seen it too…The girl with one arm surfing, the man with no arms OR legs swimming and playing golf, the woman with no legs from above her knees running a marathon, the 80 year old man graduating with his Ph.D.etc….so let’s not succumb to that pity party, shall we?

I’ve told many a person, and continue to remind myself of this very important fact: Every single thing you and I have experienced before this moment, got us ready for this moment in time.

You could never have achieved what is possible to achieve now without all of the things you encountered up to this moment. It’s true and we both know it. We needed every single experience: mistake, failure, accomplishment, joyous occasion, accident, celebration, emotion, graduation, and illness in order to BE the person we are right this minute.

It’s funny but when I think about it, every single time I have let go of that silly belief that I can’t do something because ‘it’s too late’ for whatever reason,  I experience something new, amazing, and wonderful – and which I hadn’t thought could be possible for me.

Too many people who read my blog know me personally,so I won’t share exactly what those things are (chuckle), but OMG getting rid of this limiting belief is frigging crazy wonderful. Try this mind warp trip, seriously. Stop worrying that you waited too long to start X, Y, or Z – start today. Stop thinking you fell off the wagon (what ever wagon it is for YOU) and get back on it. Wanna do something new, pick it up, just start.

You are more prepared to start today then you were yesterday. Neat concept, don’t you think? Let me know what you started, I would love to hear your good news! Let’s stop fighting the flow, floating downstream is so much easier than fighting ourselves all day everyday, don’tchathink? Go ahead, you CAN do it so give it a shot will ya?

But things just keep CHANGING!

• “View change as the one constant in your life. Welcome it.  Expect it.  Anticipate it.” ~Denis Waitley

Great quote but not so easy to remember or apply when life seems to be spinning by. I don’t know about you, but in my day-to-day meanderings, I do not consciously think of change as a constant.

I know everything is constantly changing, you know, the earth is revolving around the sun and the moon rises and falls from our view every day. But somehow it doesn’t seem to reach my conscious level of functioning…that is, until something in my world changes in a big way. THEN I’m all a tither, like a whirlwind around me, and I stupidly think “when things calm down, THEN I’ll make my move.” HELLO, change is a constant, duh! It bites me in the butt over and over again. When I saw this quote this morning I had to laugh at myself (again).

Is your normal mode like mine? Always waiting out a storm of multiple activities in order to feel like you have a handle on everything? The problem is, something else always takes it’s place in the sea of change and then resistance sets in. Am I right? 

So the news for today is (NOTE TO SELF): Not only do we need to WELCOME CHANGE – we must EXPECT it, yes, and even ANTICIPATE it.

I’ll give you a for instance. I’ve been working on opening a space for my business now for some time (well,at least in my mind). My work has outgrown meeting clients in my home and, at times has interfered with other family members personal lives.

So then day, almost out of the blue, a longtime friend and colleague invited me to join her in a space she was having renovated.

I was so excited and yet, I still didn’t feel completely “ready.” It was a change alright and one I wanted, so why was I hesitant? I wanted to expand and then voila, a new space magically appears. So what was the problem? It meant changing a lot of things I had grown used to and comfortable with, and I resisted, big time.

When the renovation was complete, it was time to move in. I began buying furniture but still, I held back the final start date. The Problem is, I was just so busy that I kept waiting til I had time to get ‘creative’ with my advertising, courses and classes. And I was just so busy…

Let me make a list of all the REASONS I could not make the change yet…There were just so many things getting in the way…First there was a dance competition that was not in the normal schedule, then my daughter in law was coming for a visit, I couldn’t plan my courses NOW I had to get the house ready! Then my other son was leaving for the Army – I needed to be there for him (and try to convince him not to go – ultimate sad face). Then I had more house guests coming, then I wasn’t feeling well, then, then, then…

Things just kept CHANGING and I wanted the world to stand still for a minute!

So I continued to keep my plans on hold, waiting for a calm period (translation: when things were NOT so “changeY”).

Finally my colleague questioned me about WHEN I would make it official and start programs…people were waiting!

Talk about a major kick in butt. I was embarrassed but it was what I needed.

So, even with more changes occurring (I won’t bother with the specifics but you know, life is still happening) the flyer’s are printed –  regardless of my resistance, fear, and thoughts of not being ready, and all the things going on, I’m doing it. No turning back.

Bottom line: Change IS constant. Expect it, Anticipate it, Welcome it, EMBRACE it. 

One last thing, change can be scary too but it’s also very exciting and FUN. Don’t even try to think you can keep things THE SAME.

Remember that earth movey thingie and the moons disappearing act each day? Well, that’s a hint, change is a must so welcome it. Trust me, it will make your life so much easier in the long run. 

My very first class starts THIS SUNDAY! It’s called: Early Morning Stretch ‘n Zest  JoyOut . It runs for 10 weeks beginning March 4th at 6:45 a.m. and will run Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  I’m located at 85a Denison Ave, Mystic, Ct. Interested? drop me an email at info@KnowingPeace.com I’ll send you a flyer with all the information. 🙂

I wanted to remind everyone to seize the day!

shakeupyourlife

Are you looking for more life in your life? No one knows when our last day will be and there is no crystal ball. I don’t know about you but I want to get it all in before I die. Recently I noticed that I was going faster and faster and faster, trying to cram as much into each day as humanly possible. And I know I am not the only one. Is it because we are seeing more and more catastrophic events such as floods, sinkholes, hurricanes, oil spills, and more? Or does it have anything to do with the economy tanking?

And do you wonder why many of us are doing meaningless tasks for the better part of each day – wasting so much precious time? Recently, I have seen a small positive shift in overall behavior while out shopping, and I’m wondering if you’ve seen it too.

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you won’t believe it

Did you know that you become who you believe you are? For example, if you are nervous, you become a worrier and that is all people notice; if insecure, you mess up all over the place because your insecurities convince you that you can’t do it (whatever ‘it’ happens to be). If you are frightened, you become the little child frozen in your tracks, unable to move forward.

Well, I knew this intellectually but I guess sometimes I forget.

So yesterday I was talking with my coach – yep, I got one and you should consider getting one too–I believe everyone needs a coach – just like everyone needs a wife!

Anyway, I was sharing all my insecurities about venturing into the world of a ‘real business’ – I am opening a physical space for my coaching business and it’s a little scary. About four minutes into my rant she interrupted and asked, “You DO know that you become whomever you believe you are, right?”

I stopped in my tracks. Of course I know that, I thought. However, she had caught me; I was becoming exactly what I was believing at that moment: a nervous, insecure, worried and frightened little girl. I was getting myself so worked up with worry that I was no longer focused on the intelligent, talented, motivated, and focused entrepreneur’s plan I had carefully created. It was so eye opening.

We talked more about the power of believing and accepting oneself and then she asked me to be both coach and client. So for the rest of the session I coached myself as  if someone came into my office saying everything I was sharing with her. I was an amazing if not weird, session.

My lesson was on self acceptance and I don’t mind telling you it can be a tough one. But when we make it a priority to get comfortable with the choices we’re making, everything falls into place. And the rest of the day did fall into place for me. Every time I started to worry, I remembered that I am right where I am and it is a perfect place to be. I am making the choice to open a practice and when I stay focused on why I made the decision, instead of second guessing it, I have more energy and better ideas too.

Why must we insist on believing the silly judge in our heads? I am right here right now; I can’t be anywhere else because I am here, it is my jump off place. I must accept that, then I can move into more and more exciting places.

It’s like an old saying my parents used to say: what you put in is what you get out. When I put confidence into my work I get competence out. And when I put in insecurity or fear, I get very little done, and what gets done looks like a child did it. It is really quite simple although it is  difficult to keep in mind when you are embarking on something new and different.

I have found all sorts of ways to internalize this self-acceptance thing and I’m working on a way to teach it so it’s there when you need it. It is applicable in every area of life if only we will remember it.

Here is it one more time: You become whomever you believe you are.

I invite you to start believing amazing things about yourself too.

an apple a day

Today I decided to write about something healthy: The Apple

An apple a day keeps the doctor away – that’s what we’ve been told right? Well I always thought we were told that in my neck of the woods because we live in apple country. I figured the fruit was cheap and plentiful so my parents wanted me to eat lots of them to feel full quickly, after all, I was one of 6 kids and my parents were not rolling in the dough at the time.

But recently I came across nutrition facts on the almighty apple, and I was impressed. Come to find out the apple contains a bundle of amazing  health benefits…Apples contain a plethora of minerals, includes magnesium, copper, manganese, copper, calcium, iron, potassium and even phosphorus in small quantities.  And they are loaded with fiber – the bad cholesterol fighter.

Apples are also rich in Vitamin A and Vitamin C. In fact vitamin A concentration is higher in the outer skin than the flesh (OMG my father TOLD me that!) so be sure to buy organic and eat the skin. And, like potatoes, the vitamin C concentration is higher just below the skin so don’t peel them or you’ll lose out on the extra C.  Oh, and they also contain Vitamin K, Thiamin, Riboflavin, and Vitamin B6.

Of course most of us tend to be more concerned about how many calories we’re consuming rather than how good it is for us so, drumroll please!

Calorie Content of The Apple: Apples contain between 53 (extra small) and 116 (extra large) calories, depending on its size.

There are more than a few health benefits associated with eating apples. The nutritional value of apples makes them a no-brainer for helping with digestion, stomach disorders, anemia, weakness, dental care, dysentry, heart disease, rheumatism, eye disorders, cancer, gout, and even skin care!

I don’t know about you, but I am heading to my nearest health food store for a bundle of ripe, organic apples; how about you?

where is everybody?

Yesterday and today my husband and I walked from our home to our favorite local coffee shop. It’s about 2 miles into town and we walk every Sunday. But because all our normal plans were cancelled due to the snow, we made sure the cafe was open and, like little kids we piled on the snow suits and headed out the door.

When we left the house it was still snowing like mad. It was late morning, 11ish, and although the temperature was cold it was beautiful to walk during the first snow fall of the season; okay the second, but the first – in October – does not count in my book. It was so quiet walking those two miles. We basked in the tranquility of the snow falling and very little activity on the roads besides the occasional snow plow.

It wasn’t until our walk back home hours later that we figured out what was missing. There were no children playing in the snow. Every yard was quiet yet we know there are many children in our neighborhood, as well as in the other neighborhoods we walked through on our way to town. Where were all the kids?

My husband and I remember not only during our own childhoods but also our own children’s time when we could not get enough outside time when it snowed. We would race to get on our  gear and head out the door. Only to come in when we were frozen solid or our parents made us come in. And then we would have our hot chocolate or soup and, the minute our snowsuits were dry we would pile them back on and go out for more!

But yesterday, as well as today, there were no children anywhere. And there were no adults strolling either. At the cafe this morning, the local barrista said we were only her second customers and they had been open for over three hours already.

Are people afraid of the cold? Are they just too busy with all the social media? I know there are so many ways to keep occupied with a ‘screen’ these days that it’s easy to get sucked in. But what about the children? Do they not care about the snow anymore? I don’t see any snowmen on the lawns and I didn’t even see people shoveling. We did see mini snow plows moving the snow from peoples driveways later today. But we used to see kids trying to make a buck…not this weekend. No one.

It frightens me a little because we all need to breathe outside air and get a dose of vitamin D – every day. I hope it was just a freak thing and we just missed the people who were out.

Anyway, I hope your weekend was wonderfully calm and a little playful too. And I hope you were able to get out in the snow a little bit because, sadly for many, tomorrow it’s back to work – inside a building, with a ‘screen’ in your face.

habit energy

I have this habit that starts me out the same way every day – it is stubborn in its consistency. I always have big plans when I wake up but they are quickly hijacked by my need to read and check my computer – you know the usual suspects, email, site stats, facebook, twitter, linkedin. I have figured out this is a habit energy.

Habit energy used to sap me from being a good mother too. I remember fighting the habit energy of yelling at my kids when each morning, before it was in full swing, I would promise that TODAY I would be calm and would be patient and would be gentle. But then all hell would break loose and all my good intentions would fly out the window.The habit energy of needing perfect children reared its ugly head and I’d be off to the races again with crazy behaviors that even I didn’t understand.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist who now lives in France says we must be patient with our habit energies. We must honor them, listen to them, and even love them. They have served us for many years and we should not try to be rid of them. We must listen and even speak to them. Tell them we hear them, they are our children and to disrespect that part of our selves that kept us safe as children, that were our allies and taught us many good things, will not help us move beyond them. In fact it will hinder our progress. No, we must listen carefully to these habit energies. They have much to teach.

Today my habit energy taught me to give time to the eager part of me that wants everything perfect (in the past and the future); to hear its wants, honor its voice, and then quietly put it to bed and move toward my new desire for growth, expansion, and success. So I allowed some time for the habit energy of zoning into avoidance of all new things by hunkering back to old news (internet, facebook, site stats, linkedin, twitter) – all old news, things that happened in the past; then I moved on. I listened to it and then patted its head lightly and moved to my present desire and structure for a new plan, program, and partnership.

It is exciting and scary and that is why the persistent habit energy of diving head first into the black hole of the computer is so seductive.

So when my habit energy tries to pull me away from the present this morning, I can gently listen and give it my patient ear; and once I truly acknowledge its voice and needs, I am then free to begin the new habit energy I am forming…today.

I invite you to try it too. Watch how you continue with a persistent activity that, at some point, you decided was not in your best interest any longer. Once you’ve found one, watch it for a while and listen to its voice. What is it asking for, wanting you to do? Is it a long standing habit energy? When did it help you, serve you, or save you in the past? Honor it, love it even. It is not your enemy. It has so much to teach you if you will only listen. Don’t banish it, instead befriend it, it will always be a part of you. Let it show you the way. It will show you the way.

Don’t get it? Write to me, we’ll talk.